Don't Be Fooled

st pat 2, originally uploaded by davenoon.

That's right. She's not even a year old, but already we're locked in a ferocious contest of basketball knowledge. Izzy, as she is known to the rest of the world, picked 15 out of 16 opening-round games correctly — apparently through some sort of complicated system involving Cheerios and fruit puffs — earning her top spot in the Your Logo Here group of ESPN's NCAA Tournament Challenge.

My brother James is currently tied with me for second spot with 14 correct picks, but — just between us — he's really not much of a competitor. (How many times did I kick his ass in whiffle ball when we were kids? How many times did I simply kick his ass? Fuck off — that whole thing, it's not even worth describing.) So anyway, I figure he's toast, and the rest of the league appears to consist of, well, pinheads and speed freaks mostly, so all this makes for the predictable showdown between me and my niece, who's about 34 years younger than I am.

And so we move toward endgame. Mark my words, Izzy. No one's fooled by this "Oh, I'm just a baby, I can't even walk yet, my brain's all mushy and growing, isn't it adorable that I picked some fucking tournament games" bullshit. "Cute," my ass. No, no, no — fuck that. No kisses for you. Defeat for you instead.

You hear me? No kisses! Defeat!