Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Evel Knievel Weighs in on the War on Terror

So I finally did a Google search for "Axis of Evel Knievel," just to see what turned up. As expected, I was not the first person to come up with the phrase. Here, for example, are some directions from an Irish anti-war website:

2. A piece of street theatre on the war

'Evel Knievel' street theatre
The street theatre can be proceed by a die-in but this is optional
Some 'dead' are (re-)arranged in a row.
Evel Knievel appears (figure wearing US flag is introduced by a commentator:)

Commentator: "Oh, you know how the phrase 'axis of evil' was used by Bush, well, we have here today a representative of 'The Axis of Evel Knievel' - this includes Bush/the government of the USA, Blair/the president of the UK, and any of their allies who go to, or support, the war on Iraq. " Why 'Axis of Evel Knievel'? - Because they are trying to do some fancy but dangerous stunts to impress people, - the risks are great, - it's all up in the air (which is where the bombs would come from too), with lots of showmanship, - and a major part of it is impressing people and not losing face. - We am not impressed and neither are the bulk of the population of this globe. - Just look at the crazy stunt Evel Knievel's going to do, jumping over all these dead bodies."

Evel Knievel on (push) bike gets set up to 'jump' over the dead bodies. Roll of drums Evel Knievel cycles towards bodies.

Just as gets close to bodies Evel Knievel brakes to almost stop as simultaneously 3 - 4 people jump in front of the bodies, grab bike, lift him off and hold him - and the dead get up and walk because Evel has been stopped.

Commentator; "Evel has been stopped! If we work together we can stop Evel!" (or some other possibly less cringe-making comment!)

My lack of originality was hardly surprising. I did not, however, expect to discover that Evel Knievel himself stands firmly with the 27% who advocate dropping the bomb. Thus spake Evel:
Bomb ’em! Bomb the bastards! We have to do that. Now, military question: When it is time to bomb, people say we should let all of the women and children go. All right, so let’s let all of the women and children through the lines of containment. So when it’s time to drop the bomb, the American soldiers run for the desert, behind the women and children, so that they don’t get bombed, right? But that’s not the real problem. What are we going to do with those women and children that we sent into the desert with no food and no water? We have to be responsible human beings. But I say, unless we drop the bomb—and I know this is a horrible statement to make—and kill them all and set a precedent, they are going to kill us.

And to think — when I was six years old, I wanted a lunchbox with him on it!