"Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed."

Now that my wife and I have a child on the way, we're starting to ask all the obvious questions. Will she be healthy? What will she be like when she grows up? How can I assure that she grows up with the proper, supine devotion to our capitalist system and our Christian protectors?

Thanks to the good folks at the World Net Daily online store, I can prevent my daughter from becoming a frothing, liberal harlot by purchasing an array of fabulous -- and conservative -- children's books, including the unjustly overlooked "Help! Mom! There are Liberals Under My Bed!":

This full-color illustrated book is a fun way for parents to teach young children the valuable lessons of conservatism. Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland.

"Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!" offers a witty alternative to the usual liberal fare, demonstrating the virtues of capitalism and true diversity of expression in words and pictures that both kids and adults can laugh along with.

With the nation’s libraries and classrooms filled with overtly liberal children’s books advocating everything from gay marriage to marijuana use, kids everywhere are being deluged with left-wing propaganda. "Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed" is the book conservative parents have been seeking. This illustrated book — the first in the "Help! Mom!" series from Kids Ahead — is perfect for parents who seek to share their traditional values with their children, as well as adults who wish to give a humorous gift to a friend.

By now, you're probably saying to yourself, "Wow, this book sounds really fucking awesome, but isn't there something a little -- oh, I don't know -- dangerous about introducing liberalism as the subject of a children's story?" Well, you're right to ask, just as this fellow traveler did at Amazon:

This book, although cute, teaches children that "liberals" are annoying and dumb but well meaning.....just with distorted values. That is not true. What is true is they are bad people, who are working to make bad things happen. If children aren't told the truth about this and what they are doing, they run the very real danger of being sucked in and indoctrinated into an evil ideology (and I do mean, EVIL, as these chuckleheads hold solidarity with radical Islam and the north korean brand of communism these days). They infiltrate our schools at all levels and try to work on the children when they are as young as possible.

Liberalism isn't dopey. And it's not the other side of the coin to conservatism. Liberalism is communism...with all the REALLY scary stuff that implies. Probably, [that stuff is] not an appropriate topic for a children's book. But, it is damn important that you let your kids know the score BEFORE the neo-communists that have infiltrated our schools get a chance to work on them. Because, if you don't, you may end up with your kid as part of the huge crowd of students that give standing ovations to people like Ward Churchill (as he convinces the students that THEY are the ones who should be flying airplanes into the world trade center), when he is invited to give a talk at the university you are spending big bucks on for your kid to get an "education".

OK, got it. I'll have to wait a few years to begin larding my child's bookshelf with the latest vessels of truth from Ann Coulter, David Horowitz or Jonah Goldberg, but in the meantime I can plant the seeds of entrepreneurialism and individual liberty with this happy little proverb. Anything to counteract the bilious, communistic ravings of Farmer Duck, Brave Potatoes, and Rotten Island.