Friday, October 13, 2006

October 13

s_BeatEmEatEm_1On this date in 1982, two of the worst (and most stupidly offensive) video games ever were released simultaneously by the company Mystique, whose shoddy products eventually contributed to the great video game crash of 1983. Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em, a variation on the Activision classic Kaboom!, is described in Wikipedia as follows:
In this game the player controls a pair of nude women who scuttle back and forth underneath a building as a ridiculously well-endowed man constantly ejaculates from the roof top. The player's objective is to maneuver these women so that they consume the man's semen before it hits the ground. . . . The game's objective is supported by an non sequitur explanation that "every [uncaught] sperm is sacred" and "could have been a famous doctor or lawyer."

A gender-reversed version of the game was later released as Philly Flasher, in which the player is tasked with controlling two men as they attempt to catch drops of breast milk lactated by a woman.
S_CustersRevenge_1The second and even more egregious Mystique release on 13 October 1982 was a game called Custer's Revenge, in which a naked, engorged cowboy -- presumably stirred to action by the martyrdom of General George Armstrong Custer at Little Big Horn in 1876 -- dodges flying arrows and cacti as he makes his way toward an American Indian woman who happens to be tied to a post. For his dexterity, the player is rewarded -- and Custer avenged -- with the opportunity to rape the captive.